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Saturday, November 20, 2004 

Thinking of a Career Change?

Are you bored with your present job? Need a change? Then you might want to check out these job vacancies.

Polygraph Examiner
Salary: $44,553 to $93,991
All you need is a bachelor's degree from a college or university and an interest in polygraph examinations.
Pros: If you take this job, not only will you get paid well, you'd be the life (and death) at every party. Plus, you'd get to tell everyone that you work for the CIA.
Cons: Considering the CIA's track record, you'd probably end up telling people you worked at Wal Mart anyway.

Chief of Security & Safety Service
United Nations, New York
Salary: D-1 level, $126,713 (if you have dependants) and it goes all the way up to $148,024.
You have the overall responsibility for the protection of security and safety of delegates, staff, visiting dignitaries and other visitors within the UN complex including all UN leased properties and the Secretary General's residence.
Pros: You'd probably never have to pay another parking ticket in your life and since the UN is such a colossal behemoth of an organization, they'd never know where to find you if they wanted you to work.
Cons: They might find you.

Special Agent
Salary: $40,419 (GS 10) Academy Training. Upon graduation, locality and availability pay will also be added.
One of the ways to get fast-tracked is to have Foreign Language Proficiency (Arabic, Farsi, Pashtu, Urdu, Chinese [all dialects], Japanese, Korean, Russian, Spanish, and Vietnamese). If you have other background experience which they consider to be a critical skill, you will be "prioritized in the hiring process" as well. But the language thing seems like the easiest. So as long as you're a US citizen and can speak one of the above languages, this could be the career for you!
Pros: You get to see what the FBI is up to and get paid decently for knowing Pashtu. Where else could you get $40,000 a year for knowing Pashtu? You also get to tell people you work for the FBI.
Cons: You might have to tell people you work for the FBI.

Criminal Intelligence Analyst
Salary: Bangkok: from 47,560 (step 1) to 71,342 (step 12) Thailand Bahts (THB) per month
Buenos Aires: from 3,612 (step 1) to 5,416 (step 12) Argentinean Pesos (ARS) per month
San Salvador: from 1,526 (step 1) to 2,286 (step 12) US Dollars per month
You need to have a university degree and proficiency in either Thai or Spanish for the above positions. They also want you to have some experience in law enforcement and they consider being able to "exploit the Internet and other electronic sources for the collection of open source information relevant to criminal intelligence analysis".
Pros: You get paid to spy on criminals and you can do this from exotic locations like Bangkok and Buenos Aires. Since you've probably seen a thousand action movies, you could make up all your reports based on movies like "Blow", "Traffic" or "Goodfellas" and get away with it.
Cons: Even though 47,560 Bahts seems like a lot, I really don't think it is. I'm not sure if there are any good movies on organized crime in Bangkok so you might actually have to do some real work if you ended up in Bangkok.

President of the United States
White House, Washington
Salary: $400,000 http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/07/16/presidential.salary/
You have to run the United States for 4 years unless you're impeached.
Pros: You don't really need any experience or a high IQ. If George W. Bush can do it, anyone can! You get to be the most recognized and reported person in the world. You learn about geography by invading countries you never heard of before.
Cons: You won't have many friends outside the White House and everyone will tell you they can do your job better than you.