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Saturday, February 19, 2005 

Starbucks Democracy

Coming Soon to a Nation Near You!

Americans are the Franchise Kings. You’ll find a Starbucks or a McDonald’s in just about every town, in every country around the globe. They don’t have to have the best coffees or hamburgers but it doesn’t matter. An idea, a lot of money and top notch marketers are all that’s needed to make the flagship store a global moneymaker.

The same can be said of American style democracy.


Franchising is a great way for an inexperienced business person to jumpstart a business without having to come up with a new idea, do the work to support it and find the distributors and product lines. The franchisor will do all that to him for a fee. The Franchisee gets to own a profitable business and his only obligations are to implement the Franchisor’s marketing and promotional ideas, buy products from the Franchisor and pay a percentage of his profits to the Franchisor.

The Idea
The money men of American politics (who shall be referred to hereafter as “The Franchisor”) are the guys with the idea…an elected government by the people, for the people and of the people. The nation who buys into the American Democracy enterprise will be referred to as the Franchisee.

The Business Plan
The business plan is rather simple: fellow citizens will vote for the candidate with the slickest marketing campaign and the best soundbites. The Franchisor gets to pick two candidates to ‘sell’ to the public and the public which keeps the risk of having a real leader getting elected at an absolute minimum. With the best image consultants, PR personnel and media sycophants, the candidate’s every word, gesture and action is scripted so he/she appears to be the only choice to the public. It has been proven that the voting public are easily swayed by these tactics that they don’t even realize that their votes are nothing more than symbolic in nature. The candidate elected will always be the Franchisor’s choice and not the public’s. Nothing short of a popular revolt could ever change this. Since the voting public seems to only want to revolt over sport’s scores, the dangers of this happening are almost nil.

The Training Program
Once the Franchisee has signed the contract with the Franchisor, a training program is implemented. The Franchisor will set up subsidiary banks, corporations and military bases within the Franchisee’s nation. A team of advisor’s will be installed in the new American Democracy government to ensure the required franchise and licencing fees are paid back to the Franchisor and to assist the Franchisee in choosing candidates, financing elections and promoting the winning candidate throught the duration of his/her reign in power.

The Benefits
The convenience of American style Democracy is difficult for most consumers to resist. Even if it’s not the best in the world, at least it looks pretty and doesn’t require a lot of time and wars to find better suited candidates. The Franchise nation is happy because they have the support of the Franchisor’s products and promotions to make even more profits on the backs of unsuspecting citizens. They become part of a globally recognized name brand chain offering globally recognized products. Who wouldn’t love the idea of millions of tax paying people happily depositing their paycheques at Citibank after a hard day’s work at Nike or General Motors factories?

(This blog also appears on the site www.chaosacrossamerica.com)

And remember this. With the exception of ONE TIME, no World City that has a McDonalds has ever been attacked by a country that also has a McDonalds.

Exception: Belgrade was attacked by America and Nato. McDonalds tried to get Belgrade to listen to reason, but to no avail.

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